The Walls are Melting
I accidentally did a mega dose of magic mushrooms
Vol 2. // In This Issue:
Reflections from my Psychedelic Journey
Learn About Psilocybin
How to Properly Dose Cannabis
What To Do If You Get Too High
Recipe: 5mg Brownies
Oops. Well that was unexpected.
I was brushing a thin layer of icing on the last cookie when the room started spinning around me. I need to sit down. My head is throbbing. My heart is pounding. It’s hot, there’s a heatwave. Why are the walls melting? The floor seems unnaturally swirly. Is the llama talking to me? What the F is happening and what did I take?
Admittedly, I was baking with special ingredients but didn’t consume any that I know of. I was scared for a moment. I’m baking cookies and now I’m horizontal on the couch barely able to stand. This was not part of today’s plan. What the fuck?
As I lay on the couch wondering, “if I died here on the couch, would the cats eat my eyeballs?” and “how many days would it take for someone to realize I’m gone?” Shit. I’m not gonna die. I’m just tripping the fuck out. I need to calm down or this is gonna be a bad experience. I’ll lay here, breathe, and I’ll be fine. Oh shit. Not fine. I realize I need to call someone.
What the magic mushroom trip showed me.
As I lay there thinking through the possible scenarios with increasing panic, I realized that I needed to ask for help in order to feel safe, surrender my mind, and enjoy the intense psychedelic journey my mind was about to embark on. I needed a trip sitter. However, at this moment I’m having difficulty stringing words together.
Completely letting go and accepting someone’s help is incredibly difficult for me. This was the first time I truly felt like I needed help and had to ask for it. I hit the green call button.
The mushrooms gave me a lesson in trust. Suddenly, I was everything, everywhere all at once.
I finally understand my mom’s emotional weight from our conversation* about why it’s difficult for her to have close friends, and why she’s so insistent about controlling everything. I realize that I, like my mom, need to be in control because we feel like we have to be responsible. We haven’t been able to trust anyone to take care of us and our needs. So we act accordingly.
“Don’t rely on a man to take care of you and your future,” my mom told me when I was younger. “You always take care of yourself, have a job, and earn your own money. Because when you have your own money you have freedom,” my maternal grandma said to me over the phone before she lost her memories to dementia.
As I unpack wounds from my breakup with a longtime partner, I’ve been reflecting on my actions and behavior and how I can be a better partner for the next. These realizations hit me in the gut like a ton of bricks. Or maybe it was the mushrooms.
“Do you think you’ll be able to open yourself to trust and love someone again?” my mom asked.
BTW if you’re still reading, this is the unfurled part of “Fruit + Flower Unfurled.”
*That conversation happened thanks to cannabis. I had an edible earlier and its effects peaked as we started talking. My mom and I usually do not have these deep emotional conversations.
Learn More About Mushrooms
Read // Groundbreaking Science: A 2021 study from Yale University by Dr. Ling-Xiao Shao reveals that psilocybin spurs the growth of neuronal connections in the brain
Read // Article: “Microdosing Psilocybin Mushrooms Improves Mood and Mental Health After One Month, New Study Finds” on Forbes
Read // Article: “Can microdosing psychedelics boost mental health? Here’s what the evidence suggests” on National Geographic
Watch // Documentary: “Fantastic Fungi” on Netflix
Read // Magazine: Doubleblind, a magazine about psychedelics
Read // Book: “How to Change Your Mind” by Michael Pollan
Read // Book: “Entangled Life: How Fungi Make Our Worlds, Change Our Minds & Shape Our Futures” by Merlin Sheldrake
Enjoy Responsibly + How To Dose
That trip was an accidental hero’s dose of psilocybin that sent me into the edge of my mind and back. Not being in control is a scary feeling.
Cannabis, especially edibles, can also hit you with a surprise “too much too fast” feeling. Who has a story about how they got too high from a pot brownie and now they’re skeptical of edibles? *raises hand*
Consuming responsibly and starting low and slow will help you have better experiences and learn your personal tolerance level. Here are some resources to help you on your journey.
Read: Step-by-Step Guide for How to Dose Cannabis Edible Infusions At Home
Make: Low Dose 5mg Pot Brownies that won’t fuck up your friends
Read: LA Times reporters Adam Tschorn and Stephanie Breijo got smacked at a $295 weed-infused dinner that sounds like it should be an SNL skit of “The Californians.”
Bookmark: What To Do If You Get Too High
COMING UP NEXT
Vol. 2.5 // Does Microdosing Work?
For Paid Subscribers
I don’t know about you but it feels kinda prickly out there, doesn’t it? People seem scratchier, irritated, on edge, and stressed the f out. Anyone else? Maybe this is a good time to try cannabis and/or mushrooms if you’ve been curious.
Be chill, Christina W.